Pillow Thoughts :: "I put the sexy in dyslexia"

'Too Fucking Scenee' ©

2005-12-05T13:45:00.000Z

i really admire this girl

This site is mainly full of pricks, apart from the odd few
im not a fucking 'scene' kid, no matter how i dress or look
i think people take myspace way to seriously and its becum part of their 'life', its pathetic
Im special, And i know iam - that doesnt mean im bigheaded, if u get to know me ull see im unlike the rest of the prick girls
I dont screw guys over
I dont cheat
I dont cause shit between people for my benifit
I dont disrespect people - no1 is better than anyone else
I dont get with other peoples boyfriends
I do actually have a fucking head on my shoulders that ISNT hollow
Im a genuine person, im have alot going for me, i have feelings just like every1 else, and ive been for god saken to this diaolical planet thats dying everyday! be nice to me and ill be nice back cus im ACTUALLY A NICE PERSON!!

I wish more people had this outlook on life, we live in a fake materalistic society and to some degree we are all guilty of it.

food for thought

2005-12-02T10:51:00.000Z

rambo and the trotter

2005-12-01T12:52:00.000Z

and relax....

2005-12-01T12:38:00.000Z

WHERE AM I

2005-12-01T12:34:00.000Z

HI!

joe as kurt cobain

2005-12-01T09:59:00.000Z

Do you know what the best part of today is

2005-12-01T09:03:00.000Z

today, at work, i get to work on an adult entertainment web site aka porn site

i get paid to stair at the word DILDO all day

2005-11-30T23:33:00.000Z

Its getting pretty late and i've gotta get up for work tomorrow, no matter how hard i try tonight i wont dream anything...

I'll leave you with...

2005-11-30T23:30:00.000Z

then the next day i dream about falling off a cliff...

some say these dreams have meanings, i should look this up sometime

fire-engine sex

2005-11-30T23:25:00.000Z

i have this re-occuring dream it gets better each time, i swear one day my dreams will come true.

i basically go to this firestation where i meet this girl, she's all hot n horney and her hair is flowing golden locks and she has a shirt open. Her naked skin is perfect and we have sexy hanging off the back of a fire-engine, god knows why...

then i look out to right of me and theres this really long grassy slope which i proceed to run down, then the dream ends.

No matter how hard i try the women in that dream has no identity, i try to replace her with other women to no avail.

things to do....

2005-11-30T22:58:00.000Z

recover and find ways to get over my stomach ailments without resorting to drugs...
stopping getting mad everytime i hear the words "courtney love"
settle on a guitar and buy it
stop spending so much time on the computer
so i can listen to more music
get a radio tuner for my new hifi
find some gigs to go to this december
definatly go to see big cash prizes

Youth culture in the UK

2005-11-30T22:49:00.000Z

What the fu*k is going on these days with kids.... those ones hangin round the streets, right ok so kids always did that... but im talking about these pricks with attitudes, thinkin their some bad boy rappers.

I was walking through town the other day and these d1cks were walkin round eye-in up girls their own age by starring at them as they walked past. I think these wankers fit the CHAV category. Your, hoodies tracky bottoms tucked in socks, baseball caps under the hoodies, sportswear that type of thing. What are these people trying to prove. Their cocky fu*kers who have no respect and round theres theres only music so theirs new ringtones and their aint no romance :D

I get worked up everytime i see these kids. I was never like this when i was younger. The worrying thing is the pretty inocent girls play at the same game. I wonder what britian will be like in 20 years time when these guys have grown up.

They are influenced by the media, the sensorshop laws in this country. The level of exposure i think is dangerous. Everyone needs to be influenced by the US music industry is fuelled by $$$ and advertising to these gullable wastes of space is proving to be easy money for the big wigs.

I shouldn't stereotype but they have no regard for society, instead bring bad attitude to UK youth culture, having their little hoody collony so they actually have some status. I gets me confused thinking about this. I DONT think this post has done my thoughts any justice.

Twisted minds

2005-11-29T21:54:00.000Z

Ok so i stayed up and watched a documentary on the Columbine shootings last night on TV. I have to say i was pretty disturbed by what happened. I remember it briefly on the news for about a month a few years ago, 1999 to be exact.

I didn't really know much about it until i saw the program last night.

I honestly don't know what the fu*k could of gone through these kids minds to make them act in such a way. If you try and rationalise / or understand their thoughts for a better phrase, you start to realise that they felt excluded from society in a way that they decided to join this trench coat mafia gang to actually gain some authority or standing in this niche of society.

The question i'd like to know is how did they build up this mentality. Questions need to be asked why support wasn't given of this was detected earlier for prevention. The worrying case for this is, sometimes bad things have to happen to ensure measures are put in place to prevent further attacks of this nature.

It was a terrible massacre which ended in suicide. What i found confusing was reports of poor police work, e.g. not dealing with an official police complaint from a death threat from one of the killers. Also police not enetering the building for hours to rescue hostages. Also what i found most interesting was one of the killers was on medication which could have caused homicidal or suicidal tendancies.

I think this is just a snapshot of the society that we live in.

My thoughts recently

2005-11-29T21:49:00.000Z

Been thinking about and possibly want to write about

- The british way of life
- Fake people, specifically certain celebrities
- Youth culuture in the UK
- Courtney Love
- More Nuclear power stations in the UK
- Pay as you go for driving on britains roads

Neglected

2005-11-29T21:46:00.000Z

Neglected my thoughts for the past few days... Been stuck in another world. Apart from getting over my cold i went into london this weekend. Had a pretty good day, did some shopping and went back to the house in east london.

Been back at work now and the weathers getting colder. Snowed for the first time this winter on monday, worried about not being able to get home after all the horror stories of people getting stuck.

Epiphone Texan - Acoustic Guitar

2005-11-22T13:37:00.000Z

God i would love one of these. A late 60's (67-69) version would be perfect but how damm expensive are they! I found out today after googling around how much they are going for, even second hand.

Epiphone make some cracking guitars. I got around to this subject when thinking about what i would like for christmas. I think £1000+ is a little extravigant.

I will admit i have bookmarked an early 70's japanese version on ebay thats slightly damaged.

Still its a classic guitar.

That time of the year again

2005-11-21T13:32:00.000Z

Yea, ive just realised its nearly christmas soon.

I enjoy christmas it reminds me of when i was younger, those times are great, christmas still is but times have changed. I enjoy christmas these days as a family occasion. I'm lucky enough to have a reativly big family and its nice to see people again.

However the downsides are, i gotta start thinking about what to get people which i think most agree is not easy; especially when buying for lots of people. People are also asking me what i want for christmas. I always think, i gotta come up with something or i will end up with things i dont want cluttering up everywhere.

So thats me at the moment, thinking about christmas ideas.

Christmas lights in town

2005-11-19T23:22:00.000Z

So they turned on the christmas lights in our town today. We all went out to see the festive activities, yea it can be quite good fun but tonight was a mixed bag.

The bad first, people were packed in the town square like animals and it a stressful event. I remember thinking to myself, these occasions are suppost to be fun; i was looking around me and faces were sour and full of frustration. It was my mission to stay calm and collected, i think i was successful in that feit. However at one point i had a go at some chavvy idiot try to push through the crowd after. Thing is there was an old lady infront of him and i just had to say summet. I hope he stopped.

The main event was good... fireworks. They really went all out to put on a good display, it was worth it, i enjoyed myself and the first time i'd been out of the house properly since wednesday from my stomach plague.

They did have the band texas in to play 3 songs which in a way was funny but in the end 3 hours in freezing (what felt like -4) temperatures was worth it.

Doesn't everyone go through things like this

Stomach Plague

2005-11-19T16:18:00.000Z

My Stomach ailment has manifested itself once again; however knocking me out of action for at least two days. I hastily called into work to tell them i wouldn't be coming in. I did however attempt to go in the follow day. I felt ok when i woke up, probably because i hadn't eaten anything. Much better than the night before in which i was up most of the night fighting with my sanity and mid torso feelings.
I did get into work but half the way there my pains began again and i had to leave by 11am. I got back home and rested, relegated to soup and dry food in favour of my usual full bodied appetite.

In fact i haven't eaten much for a few days now still not feeling 100% i'm not quite sure whats wrong with me.

I hope i'm not coming down with something serious.

Babyshambles - Down In Albion

2005-11-15T16:59:00.000Z

Just bought the Babyshambles new album, released yesterday; Down In Albion.

Sitting at work with it on my desk in front of me, not wanting to play it here or in the car on the way home. Shall listen to it on my stereo when i get home. Its a very generous album with 16 tracks. I thought it was classed as uncool by putting more than 12 tracks max on your album... or is that just industry speak.

Not sure what to expect from it, very much looking forward to hearing it. I seem to be oddly attracted to singer songwriters that are fcked up on heroin. Dunno i just think their insights and thoughts take a different view / angle on their lyrics.

Yea Doherty is a fcked up nobhead that needs to get clean but thats what makes the Babyshambles or x libertines interesting.

I'll let you know what i think later............

Get it from play.com: Babyshambles - Down In Albion

Mobile Speed Cameras

2005-11-14T20:18:00.000Z

I feel inclined to write about my experiences with mobile speed cameras here in the UK.

About 2 months ago i went past one doing about 36-38 in a 30mph zone around my home town. I was convinced they were guna do me. Someone i know has been done 3 times in a few years, i was worried it would effect my insurance etc.

In the end i recieved nothing through the post.

I don't disagree with mobile speed units but there needs to be some kind of realism involved in fine-ing motorists. I dont speed exessivily, i hardly break the speed limit, if your honest with yourself its not easy to stick to the speed limit unless you constantly check your speedo which i personally think is dangerous.

E.g. my theory is, if you are looking at your speedo checking your doing 30 and a child runs out into the road, the time it takes for you to look up and slam on the breaks will create a longer stopping distance than if you were going a few mph over the limit and saw the child instantly to slam on the breaks. However like i said, speeding it wrong but some leniance for the casual motorist should be taken into consideration. 3/4 of all motorists admit to speeding according to the AA.

The police should be looking out for the idiots who blatently go far to fast and who are actually driving dangerously.

However, it is possible to find out where speed camera units are by looking on your local web site. E.g. staffordshires mobile speed camera timetable is here

To find out yours type something like mobile speed cameras in "your location"

Boiled Water Settles Your Stomach?

2005-11-14T20:04:00.000Z

I fear i suffer from some type of stomach ailment. I woke up this morning with a retarded pain in my lower stomach. I had this gagging feeling in the back of my throat and my head was fcuked.

I'm not a hypocondriac... but i am dyslexic

I'm not sure whats happening to me, but someone i know suffers similar bodily malfunctions and recommended boiling water to settle my stomach. I think i've brewed myself about 5 cups in the last month.

That reminds me a stupid accident that happened to me last month, i burn't my tongue quite badly on scoulding hot tea. So being the common idiot i stuck a freshly plucked ice cube on my mouth. In the process it stuck to my lip, i panicked and ripped it off along with half my lip skin.

Nice...

Arctic Monkeys Photos - Wolverhampton Wulfren

2005-11-14T13:56:00.000Z

Some photos from the Arctic Monkeys Gig - 21st October 2005

"Haven't been that lezzed up in a long time!"

Gig photos from my phone

2005-11-14T13:29:00.000Z

Bloc Party - 14th October 2005

Stoney (Supporting Athlete) - 11th November 2005

Gemma Hayes (Supporting Athlete) - 11th November 2005

Athlete - 11th November - Birmingham Carling Academy

The coldest day this side of spring

2005-11-14T10:20:00.000Z

Last couple of days here in the UK have been more pleasent than recent weeks; of cloud. The sun is shining everything looks much nicer but its DAMM cold! I can live with that. Better than 11 degrees c and ultimatly cloudy! I much prefer it when the weather is sunny and cold rather than cloudy and misserable. You know, nomatter what the american's say, it aint rained that much here in recent years.

Woke up this morning to the coldest day this side of spring. 0 degrees c it said on my car thermometer as i drove to work. First time i had to use the de-icer. It said on the news we are in for a cold cold winter this year, reaching -4 by friday; That will be fun.

I wish our country had more pronounced seasons. E.g. I want to experience spring, summer, autumn and winter not just a necroblog of weather mereged into one.

Sometimes i wish i was canadian.

O2 exec PDA Phone - Windows Mobile 5 Knightmare

2005-11-14T09:25:00.000Z

Ok so i was elevated up the ranks for phone fixing yesterday. I spent the best part of the afternoon trying to fix my Dad's o2 XDA EXEC phone as it wasn't syncing with Windows XP. Good on ya Microsoft! You see, i dont mind these challenges, i actually quite enjoy them.

To cut a long story short, it was the remarkably poor worksmanship of those wonderful human beings at Microsoft not being able to make something that works properly. Basically you plug it in and it gave a sync error which said something along the lines of, Error syncing with desktop blah blah. I read some forums and it was the general consensus that Microsoft pushed the release of ActiveSync 4 and Windows Mobile 5; and the result... it don't work.

Pretty pointless to have a PDA that don't sync with your PC!

The o2 Exec is a nice phone / PDA i must say. Its rather big but its possible to do anything on it. I have one initial complaint and that is the battery life.

Overall we couldn't get it working so phone calls shall be made to o2.

Athlete Gig was amazing

2005-11-12T10:22:00.000Z

Last nights Athlete gig was fantastic. I've seen them before; last time at the V Festival but seeing them up so close at the Birmingham Carling Academy was a real bonus.

I was suprised to see such a large female movement at the athlete gig. I came to this conclusion as i had a perfect vantage point and could see the whole stage throughout the duration of the gig; the polar opposite of the Arctic Monkeys Gig which was a damm good riot.

One thing that was dissapointing was it wasn't that energic and the croud could of sang more. But then again it always sounds better when you got a load of lads there to fill out the sound

Suppot acts were very good indeed. Something more refreshing than your average wannabe punk rock group singing twisted songs to make them appear unique. Instead we had 2 good bands on...

1st up were Stoney

We got there just as stoney were on, maybe missed a couple of songs. I was dying for a piss as the A38 into birmingham was blocked! After about 5mins we co-ordinated a position about 5 rows back from the stage. Stoney were excellent infact. They played anout 5 songs more, the girls in the crowd loved them, mainly due to the lead singers cheeky comments and appearance. That aside i very much enjoyed that music and will be looking out for them in future.

2nd was a band / someone called Gemma Hayes
She came on and did an accoustic solo to start with, that was brilliant. Then her band came on for the geration of the set. These guys were good, her voice was nice although a tone i've heard many times before. This however didn't detract from her great lyrics. Her band were good too but let down by poorly managed levels. For their type of music, slow folk rock type, i just felt the mixing levels let them down, they seemed all over the place apart from her vocals.

Added bonus though, Gemma Hayes was incredibly sexy!

I left my damm phone cable at work so pictures from the gig to come on monday

The gig from last night supported the WWF Organisation to create awareness on global warming and looking after out planet.

Spooks has ended! - Gutted

2005-11-11T15:28:00.000Z

I'm Gutted, i had absolutly no idea that Spooks Season 4 was going to end last night.

The last episode was remarkably good, especially how it ended. I was already dying to see next weeks episode about 3 minutes from the end. Then i found out it wont be on till next year! :(

I feel like starting a petition to make the wonderful BBC guys to gives spooks a longer run. I was on a complete downer last night when i found out it had ended. Adam Carter had been shot in the shoulder by that ex-mi5 spy women, he went down. Then she had her sights on the assassination of Harry Pearce AND THEN IT ENDED!!! DAAAMMMM.

Now i hope that whoever is watching us out there in the secret service / mi5 / mi6 etc etc isn't going to pick up my blog post because of certain keywords, :P

Any my predications?
I think Harry Pearce gets assasinated by the female ex-mi5 women and Adam Carter survives after being rushed to hospital. For Adam's excellent service he is promoted to the head of mi5 for the next series. Then i think he find it difficult to cope as he's lost a good friend, Harry and of course his wife from episode 8, season 4.

See more on Spooks from the BBC's Spooks web site

Athlete Gig tonight

2005-11-11T14:13:00.000Z

Photo From Athlete Web Site

Looking forward to seeing athlete tonight. They are 1 band that i do happen to like very much despite what a lot of people around me say. As you might have guessed from some of my other blog posts i have a tendency to dislike bands with arogance something athlete definatly is not!

Bit like the Bloc Party gig the other week, another band i highly respect for their ability to play, enjoy and take pride in their music. Now that i think about it, the best gig i've seen this year has been The Arctic Monkeys.

Bad news
I have no gigs lined up over the winter period yet! Not sure why but i need to start looking. I will be see The Mars Volta at the end of Novemeber and thats it! :(

BTW the bottom pic is The Mars Volta ;)

Miss England - Miss World

2005-11-10T19:22:00.000Z

I was driving home today and listening to the usual radio 1; a result of not swapping over my car's cd collection, something i'm terrible for.

The news mentioned people were boycoting the fact that an Uzbekistannie (don't flame me if i got that word wrong) women had won Miss England and was in the contest for Miss World. People were saying she shouldn't have won because she wasn't British born. Also that its against her religion. I was naturally intrigued and quite annoyed as i thought what people were saying was wrong!

Here's a picture of Miss England - Hammasa KOHISTANI. You gotta admit she's absolutly gorgeous! When i heard all these boycotting rumours i thought it was all wrong. The fact that she wasn't born in the UK was a slightly patchy issue (but only from a competition angle) but she is a british citerzen at the end of the day! She has as much right to eqaulity as me and you. She has every right and she's theoretically no different from the next british muslim. She takes her religion seriously from what she has said. She's an adult capable of making her owns decisions, but people are saying islam is against this. I dont know hardly anything about islam so i wont comment on that but surely she's able to make her own decisions in life.

Good luck Hammasa KOHISTANI!!

Check out her web page on miss world

Laser Eye Surgey - Is it worth it?

2005-11-10T14:30:00.000Z

This laser eye treatment is getting quite big business these days. Someone close to me has just had surgery to correct her short sighted vision. Personally i think its terminally wrong to have anything burn into your eyes or do anything at all to your eyes for that matter.

Step 1
Go to a consultation to see if your eyes are suitable to have correction, if successful book appointment.

Step 2
Go in to have eyes lasered, on the day the consultant checks your eyes and gives all clear. Assess the risks and tells you these before continuing. Then you have your eyes done

Step 3
The shitty part. Your eyes feel tired, dry, achy, very light sensitive, need to wear glasses, pref wrap around shades for a week. Have to take drops every 2hours for first day, and 4 times a day for at least a week. Eyes gradually adjust but have to take really good care of them for a month. Need to wear those stupid eye guards which make you look like a fly.

Effects of surgery can stay for at least a week. Eyes get dry and strained easily for a week or so after. You can suffer from halo-ing at nightime and thats most emphasised when night driving. Get a lot of gunk round your eyes which isn't pleasent and its hard to clean your eyes. Difficult if not impossible to wash your hair on your own.

What i find funny is, women of this generation are so caught in visual appearance and self comfort it very much seems these women jump at the chance to go for this type of treament; regardless of the fact it costs some £2000, which lets face it is quite a lot of money for something you don't nessecarily need, (unless you hate glasses and can't wear contacts). Is it really worth it. I dunno...

What Ultralase have to say on laser eye surgery

Nirvana Photo Expedition

2005-11-10T14:05:00.000Z

A photo exibition of Nirvana's Glory years between 1989 and 1993 has been posted online. Photos include pictures of Kurt, Courtney and Frances in 1993 (seen to the left). Other pictures include photo's of Nirvana and early band members / Cobain in his early years.

If your a Nirvana fan check it out

Visit and buy photos from the exhibition here: Proud Galleries

The best gigs in the world

2005-11-09T23:07:00.000Z

The Godfathers of grunge!

Yes Nirvana made it (as they should have) onto the worlds best gigs! Fucking amazing, i'm so happy! Anything to praise how talented Kurt Cobain and Nirvana were.

"I could fall of a cliff at this very second, and i'd be absolutly happy"

"Greatest live bass and drums experience i've ever seen"

Cobain comes onto the stage in a wheel chair, stands up says something in a wierd voice and collapses... damm i remember that clearly all those years ago.

Im going to go to bed with a smile on my face

#10: Radiohead - Glastonbury 1997
"That kind of magic that warms people's hearts... that makes you so elated its unberlievable!"

#5: David Bowie - Ziggy Stardust and the spiders from mars

#4 Bob Dylan - 1965
1st time Dylan plays an electric guitar concert - "Play it fucking loud". Dylan invented a Rock Concert right there and then.

#3 The Sex Pistols - Manchester '76
You knew this was about engery, attitude and anachery, you knew they didnt give a fuck. Remebered as a gig that launched the pop careers for many future bands like, New Order, Joy Division or The Fall.

#2 Jimi Hendrix - Woodstock weekend of the 60's (dawn)
Greatest Guraist of his generation. "Turned the guitar into an instruments that had never made these sounds before". Profound talent and power and the best work of american art to boycott the vietnam war and free rights.

#1 Live Aid - 13th July 1985
More than 60 acts. Queen, incredibly finely homed performance. One of rocks most charasmatic performances. This was a band delivering the worlds greatest set at the worlds greatest gig.

When i was younger

2005-11-09T22:23:00.000Z

I thought having an imaginary friend made you cool
Being as musical as possible made me happy
I thew up a lot
I had a habbit of drinking milk and lemonade very soon after each other (figure that)
I liked Iron Maden

Compulsive Disorder's - Germs

2005-11-09T22:02:00.000Z

Ok so i'm on a role now talking about my temper and washing the dishes

I think i have a compulsive disorder. Hmmm do i? im thinking more about it now . Ok well, basically sometimes i visually see germs on things (in my mind), maybe i try to invisige it sometimes, i do worry but i dont think its proper compulsive. I mean i'm not scrubbing my hands constantly, i do keep my hands clean. But i do enjoy picking my nose, it strengthens your immune system.

I always ensure i eat in clean places and wash hands before eating. I open doors to public toilets with minimal finger coverage. I dont eat out of date food. I did invest in that gimmicky Anti-bacterial surface spray, i do use it... occasionally.
I worry a lot about getting ill / sick / puking... that sucks. I don't puke a lot, maybe once a year if i'm lucky. But i worry about it, so that stems my worry about germs!

I was vomitting a lot as a child and now i hate being ill.

I think i just take care, is that so wrong? However it worries me as to how normal my "problem" actually is. I did see a program on tv once about compulsive disorders, the guy made this women put her hands down the toilet and rub them about then eat a sandwich without washing her hands. To me, thats terminally wrong! I would be convinced i'd puke.

You know everytime my stomach seems to rumble i worry if its upset, like with a bug and i hope i dont wake up in the night with that shitty feeling once again.

How normal is that!

Washing the dishes

2005-11-09T21:31:00.000Z

Dont you just hate it when you are washing the dishes and you splash water all over yourself.

My back starts hurting, i'm bored but i have my thoughts to keep me company. I try to concentrate on what i'm doing then i splash water all over my clothes and i hear that sound of water hitting a tiled kitchen floor, that sucks!

I think i have a temper problem cuz it really pisses me off!

This weeks thought

2005-11-09T10:22:00.000Z

"I'd only wear tyedye if it was made from Phill Collin's unrine and Gerry Garcia's Blood! "

"This weeks obessession, vagina medical books, the meat puppets and..."

Kurt Cobain - I think he was Murdered

2005-11-08T16:59:00.000Z

Ok, so i had to add "i think" on the end of the title just to prevent any sh1t coming down on me.

I've read the Tom Grant Case Manual, i've been an avid fan of Nirvana ever since the early days and still can't get enough.

Its something i think about, Kurt Cobain and his death, his influence on music today, his beliefs, everything really.

Why do i think Cobain was murdered?

Kurts overdose at time of death
He was found with around 3x the lethal dose of Heroin in his blood stream! Tests i have read show that even in a hardcore junkie you would be incapacitated within seconds not being able to do anything falling unconcious. So how on earth did he manage to pick up a shotgun and blow his head off.
Another thing about the shotgun, it was purchased before rehap now after and it was meant to be for protection.
And another thing about kurt and heroin. A lot of people dont know he had a severe stomach condition that inflamed his stomach lining rendering him useless in some of the worst cases. I.e. he couldn't get out of bed. Everytime he ate he would experience severe pain and disconfort and throw up stomach acids, water and blood. He tried over 50 different types of medication for ulcers to try and cure this problem with no avail. He did try heroin which is classed as "heavy opiates" (indicating he didn't nessecarily use it for fun, more like pain suffers who smoke or take cannabis). He even went as far to make conceted attempts to give up the "heavy oppiates" every time he went on tour. However he did say that the pain was so un-bareable sometimes that he took heorin on a daily basis for about month at one stage. In the later years he did find a drug that prevented his condition and stopped using heroin as much.

His Credit Card
When Kurt was found one of his credit cards was missing. A log of the usage of this card was posted and it proved that his card was being used up until the day his body was found (after kurt was dead).

The Sucicide Note
It wasn't a suicide note full stop. It was a letter to his fans and everyone involved to let them know he was quitting the music business. Kurt wanted to keep things origonal and pure. He felt that the music industry was suffocating his talent and taking over things in a money orientated world. He also felt he didn't want to slowly burn out. The only bit addressed to Courtney and Frances Bean was 2 lines written onto the bottom of the note. It wasn't part of the origonal note and the handwritting was different!
And to top it all off, he was known for his love of writing. He wrote tonnes of diary entries throughout his life, later some of which became the Kurt Cobain Journals.

His love for his daughter
He wrote in his diaries that he loved Frances Bean more than anything in the world, more than himself and he'd do anything to protect her, why would he throw all that away. He wasn't dilusional he was creative and a very deep thinker.

He was going through a divorce with his wife
Yes, when Kurt was found dead, he was going through a divorce.

I think that covers everything and i'm not prepared to write any more.

More Reading

Tom Grants Web Site - Kurt's Private Investigator

Justice for Kurt

In Defence Of Kurt Cobain

The Death Of Kurth Cobain

This post was dedicated to Bodah

Musical Ledgends - Old and new

2005-10-30T20:25:00.000Z

You know what, music is wonderful. I've been sitting here with my head on my pillow listening to music, feeling great, remebering the gigs i've been to recently. I watched a spider crawl across its web to trap and eat a fly. The sky was sunburst after a wet and windy day. I felt great. The music was fantastic.

Some people are responsible for this music, only to name a few. Music Rocks!

You can't beat what these guys have done for music today, if you've never owned one of their cd's / vinyl (i highly doubt it), i strongly recommend you give them a listen

John Lennon

with the Beatles inspiring a whole new generation of bands and artists. Did more for modern music passivly than anyone else i can think of.

His inspiration and influence through music woke up a whole generation.

Kurt Cobain

The inspiration for many bands of the 90's and of current.

With Nirvana, still one of my favourite if not my favourite band. Still influencing teenagers today, 11 years after his tragic death. Kurt gave way to the birth of the Foo Fighters (Dave Grohl). Some superb new, origonal sounds created by Kurt a great believer and lover of music, including the beatles. Nirvana saw the birth of mainstream seattle grunge in the late 80's

Jimmi Hendrix

Jimmi Hendrix was sensational with a guitar, inspiring a whole new wave of budding guitarists to replicate the possibilities that jimmi hendrix recorded through his music.

Burt Bacharach

Now Burt Bacharach maybe an odd ball for some of you. Burt has been involved in some spectacular music in ever decade since the 50's.

His songwriting gave way to some the most loved tunes since the 50's. His endless steam of achievement proves why he deserves a place in the history of musical ledgends.

Maybe a pointless post but music deserves to be talked about.

The importance of music

2005-10-30T20:05:00.000Z

Music is one of the oldest traditions known to man so i think it deserves some recognition here from me as i am passionate about music.

Music is part of everything we see and hear. You ever walked around London to see the flock of sheep sporting their brand new IPOD's (with their tell tale white earphones).

What worries me is, music is fundamental to our lives, even if you don't partically enjoy music; the problem is, the music industry is flooding the market with cheap tacky euro sh!te with these shows like x-factor. Ok some of these guys can sing ok, BUT! stop creating these god awful songs with no meaning, creativity or musical talent.

If you like the chart sound look further into the music pot and listen to people like

Mylo
Daft Punk
Soulwax
Dj Yoda

The artic monkeys write lyrics like "theres only music so theres new ringtones" - depicting the fact that modern day yobbo youth has little care or recognition for the things that matter in this life, music being one of them in this line. Another example of how music is tranformed across the scale onto mobile phones.

I'm not a music snob, far from it!! I'm just trying to premote a little sensibility into modern culture giving my take on this issue. Music to me is very important. I grew up around music, i started dj-ing from the age of 12 and began to enjoy all types of music.

For me

Aprreciate real music
Experiment with other songs and genre's
Listen to albums all in one go
Learn to let music relax you

Modern Art - Talent beyong imagination

2005-10-30T11:13:00.000Z

Art is a concept the majority do not understand. I for one do not understand the enjoyment one can get from artwork that depicts nothing but a few paint slodges cast upon canvas with no real organisation; the average viewer is expected to piece together something meaningful and interesting. When art takes that "modern" route, theres a big red neon sign that pops into my head that says, "a five year old could do that".

Maybe i'm missing the trick here, but for me, i see no creativity in trying to trick yourself into believing there is a painting behind that mess. Now at the end of the day i don't want to hang picture perfect artwork in my living, but i do want something that depicts a true view of modern art. That to me is emphasised by the work of a truely talented modern artist called banksy.

Banksy is an elusive artsist, working mainly at night-time when he cannot be caught. Simply because he's a graphitti artist. I think his work is totally origonal and classic, he's imenessly talented and his work paints a million and one pictures. His eye for detail truely allows his artwork to tell stories that everyone can relate to.

You can see most of his work around Bristol, London and Essex.

Even if you have never seen his work before, once you see it, you'll know its a Banksy piece. That shows how origonal and mindblowing his work is.

All artwork previews can be viewed at www.banksy.co.uk

The Arctic Monkeys

2005-10-29T19:41:00.000+01:00

"The Next Big Thing"

The Artic Monkeys have taken the UK music scene by storm in the last few months.

Their moody masterpieces have caused near rioting at gigs, something unseen by anyone i've experienced in bands of their nature in the early days, the atmosphere at the gig was fucking superb!

Alex Turner, the artic monkeys lead singer is simply a lyrical genious. His songs reflect life in the 90's that everyone can relate to, his song-writing is simply outstanding for a 19 year old. Now what worries me is, if he's this good at such a young age, especially in his long forseen career with the band, is he going to be able to live up to expectations in years to come. I confidently say yes.

"At least he ain't got a nova and a burberry hat" - Bigger Boys And Stolen Sweathearts
"I can't be arsed to carry on in this debate that re-occurs everytime you say i dont care, when i do, i clearly do" - Mardy Bum
"Now here comes a ford mondeo, isn't he a mr inconspictuous..." - Summy Man
"Oh they might wear classic reboks or knackered converse or tracky bottoms tucked in socks" - A Certain Romance

And the best one of all!!

"Theres only music so theres new ringtone" - A Certain Romance

This band can really relate to youth and modern day culture in this country. I think everyone can releate the monkeys songs.

To be perfectly honest with you, his lyrics are up there with the best of them and i'm taking about music legends here. The monkeys music comes from the heart, they make origonal songs with origonal meanings.

Now don't misread me here, the whole band are what make the artic monkeys. Their are technically "sound", they work so well together its actually quite funny. I especially like the bass player.

Oasis on the monkeys

During the 90's Oasis proved themselves by being mouthy fuckers from Manchester, their music matched their style and we all loved it. Some of us still do. They did bring an origonal sound to the UK music scene but it did nothing to inspire any up and coming bands. Yes i loved Oasis for a few years, they were great live... Then i guess, they lost thier grip on UK music for me.
Oasis now (i'm talking mainly about Liam and Noel), they are too arogant and immature (for their age) rich folks. Yea they love music but the impression they give out is negative in my oppinion. I don't like the fact they think they are the best Rock n Roll band in the world. Theres plenty of other bands out there they need to listen to and stop being so blinkered and arogant; the monkeys being one of the bands.
They've been sitting lazy on their millions for the past god knows how many years with nothing really to prove; yea i dont think they take it seriously! THey are still loved by millions from what happened in the 90's, but its all about the music and the music for me doesn't seem to take priority.

Noel was recently heard on radio1 (UK) effectivily putting the monkeys down, saying they will never be successful in the way Oasis have been. I think Noel should listen to Alex Turner's lyrics to learn a thing or to.

My recommendation
Go see the monkeys live, its absolutly outstanding in more ways than one. Buy their single here and visit their web site to show your support.

Top 5 Artic Monkeys songs

My current top 5 favourite artic monkeys songs

Mardy Bum
Ain't No Romance
Scummy Man
Bigger Boys And Stolen Sweethearts
Cigerette Smoke

Hope i got these names correct! I have a demo cd of about 23 songs, they are all oustanding which is why i'm trying to create awareness. These guys are fucking fantastic!

Stress Relief - Part 1

2005-10-29T12:08:00.000+01:00

"Life is a rat race"

Stress can sometimes destroy your life; it can thrust you into a downward spiral of bottomless emotion and self dispair. Yea ok thats the worst kind commonly known as despression i guess.

But anyway, stress is a major factor of our lives and people deal with it differently. The right amount of stress, lets say small amounts of anxiety as an offset can actually help peformance by firing the synapsis in the brain. E.g. doing an exam or test.

In the real world stress is bought on by work related issues, the efforts of travelling to and from work, especially in big cities. Long working hours, sleep deprevation over long periods and time and aruguments with partners and families. The last one is a funny one actually, arguments. The arguments are probably a result of stress gained during the day; this can lead to breakdowns in communications and cause tension between couples, another offset of stress.

10 ways of relieving stress

The following steps i find highly successful to relieve the affects of stress

Isolate yourself from noise and distractions, e.g. a quiet room
Get confortable e.g. wear loose clothing, preferable sit up (but relax your muscles)
Adjust your breathing, slow your breathing down and take a solid breath in and out, do this for about 3 minutes.
Next take 2 or 3 fingers and start gently tapping them across the top of your head from left to right around where the hairline starts, do this for about 2 to 4 minutes whichever feels confortable.
Whilst tapping say to yourself something like, "This stress is leaving my body, i'm getting rid of this stress, i can feel it leaving me, i'm beginning to feel relaxed, i can feel the stress draining from my body"... I know it sounds strange but it works if you follow these steps, stress is mind over matter and this helps adjust your body for relaxation as you will begin to believe in yourself.
Now move the tapping down to under your nose and repeat
Move the tapping down across your shoulders
After you have completed all 3 stages of tapping start to breath deeply. Take a deep breath in through your nose, hold this for between 8 and 12 seconds before breathing out through your mouth. Don't conciously count each breath (as this will break the relaxation of your brain).
Whilst breathing deeply try to think nice thoughts, think about what makes you happy.
Deep breathing should go on for about 5minutes, longer if you wish... You should start to feel light and floaty and relexated; deep state of relaxation. Therefore it is best not to do anything after this technique

Things to follow up this technique

Listen to your favourite music afterwards, it works best if you listen to something soft and peaceful.
This is best practiced at night time before bed
You can also break down parts of this process, e.g. tapping or controlled breathing to help curb your stress levels when your out and about

Dreaming of being a celebrity

2005-10-28T22:27:00.000+01:00

Something we all do from time to time.

I feel incredibly normal, dis-advantaged in many ways. Its hard trying to stand out, sometimes i take a step back and realise, why am i trying to stand out. This life is definatly... confusing.

Should there really be so much emphasis on celebrities, what do they bring to our lives? Why are they paid so much. Are they really that important. If so why do we dream about having everything they have. After all, one thing is for sure, it doesn't bring happyness or everlasting love.

"I saw love go past my door, i've never felt this close before"

I guess its the money, i feel corrupt in my pillow thoughts. Out of the box thinking is a dangerous game. Money does rule our lives. But we try so hard not to let it rule our lives. Now isn't that; somewhat funny.

I was sitting outside a cafe on a street in Primrose Hill, London - UK. Look around and everything is plastered with money. It was like looking into the matrix. Its another life, a life i sometimes aspire to. Then realise what i'm thinking about. Life isn't about that, it can make life feel nice but don't kid yourself it isn't the solution. It was conforting that day. Apart from the fake people with fake lives. Be honest with yourself.

That day, the warm late autum breese soothed my face, my fetta cheese salad was perfect, the company was perfect, never felt so good. That cafe, refeshing. My thoughts were not. Those cars, wow; These people; rich.

Celebrities seem to have it all, wouldn't it to be wonderful to live in a big house with your dream car, dream possessions; would that be your perfect life? Really? .... Don't kid yourself.

In the words of Javis Cocker
"The celebrity thing is a big factor, a big myth in our society. I think it's almost like, without getting too pompous about it, it's almost like something to believe in, isn't it, it's like heaven, it's like believing in going to heaven, it's like thinking 'God, if I get famous, everything is going to be alright'."

The end of the line

2005-10-28T22:08:00.000+01:00

I'm scared of the middle place between life and no-where. I don't want to be stuck with no air and nobody to care, lonely with nothing to confort me when i'm...

Fill the air with sweetness, like the flower you gave me to wear.

I look around and see things i dont understand. I want someone who laughs like you.

Got only one heart, one heart knows best. Gotta save it for lovin, somebody cares.

What will happen to me...